Just Another Day..

So, we are trying another bank for the house. Im not holding my breath though. It crosses my mind to check my email every so often to see if there is a reply from the bank but otherwise Im over here all over pinterest looking at recipes and embroidery patterns and stuff.

Work is going ok. Its slow which makes the boss twitchy which makes me twitchy but its the nature of the business.

Currently working on embroidered trim, knitting a pair of thigh high socks for a friend as part of a barter and also blackwork cuffs and collar for a friend. Bouncing between one and another when Im tired with one. The trim has more of a deadline than anything so I am hoping to get that done before the end of the month.  We have an impending snowstorm this weekend (they still don’t know how much will drop here) and I plan on working on these projects and sitting by the fire, with the occasional bout of warcraft with my son.

Saw a post on pinterest of this warcraft water bottle. Ordered two..one for me and one for my 11 year old son that plays as well. He just fussed so much over it when he saw it that i had to. World of Warcraft “Mana” Bottle  Yea its a little expensive for a water bottle but hey…maybe it will get me to drink water more often. LOL! And his smile will be worth it.

Decided to take a little stress off my life and am having the local grocery store deliver to me on friday afternoon. It cost ten extra bucks. What the hell…worth it to not wade through the snowmagedon panic masses that will be flocking to get their french toast supplies.

Last night I had an awesome night of sleep. I fell asleep at 7:50 and slept straight through till 530 this morning. I feel great! I recall the kids coming in and kissing me goodnight and my cell phone ringing and it was my guys parents calling to thank me for the scarves i made them for christmas.  I have a raincheck to call them back this evening and chat with mom.

Well..just under two hours to go till end of work day. Boss is in good mood at least today. We are always thankful for that.




The American Dream…down the toilet

Two banks have shot us down for a mortgage on the house we want. It is soul crushing. It makes us feel like second class citizens. We make nearly 100K combined salary, have good credit historys but because I havent been at my job a full year (though employed without breaks for nearly two years) they wont give a loan.

I have a disabled child that has autism. The house is on a dead end street, on half an acre of land….perfect for him. It would mean no change to his schooling (nor his brothers).  I feel like I should never have shown them the house. They were so upset. I cant even begin to convey his reaction when we had to tell him. 

I feel like maybe I jinxed it.

Maybe I made to many plans too soon like picking paint samples.

Maybe I shouldnt have painted a Christmas ornament that had our names on it and the saying “Our House is a very, very, very fine house”.

Maybe I shouldnt have planned on getting a family dog figuring we’d be there.

Maybe I shouldnt have planned to get married on the property under the blooming japanese maple in the Spring.

Maybe I shouldnt have done the sketching and dreaming I did.

Maybe my daft mother shouldnt have bought new bedroom furniture for the boys like she did (even after I told her not to and to cancel the order, which she did not and now we have to find storage for them because they cant be returned).

I feel beaten down. Broken. I dread the thought of staying in this house we rent now with broken faucets and 20+ year old ripped carpeting and leaking showers that are making the floors soft and back steps that are broken and dealing with a slumlord that says he’ll fix everything but then never follows through.  You call the local housing authority and they say all they can’t do anything about is the steps to the bulding and “We have seen worse than yours”.   One family member made the comment that if we made less money we would probably have had a home approval in minutes.  He’s probably right.

What gets me about this…is disappointing my boys. They were so excited about moving into a house where theyd have their own rooms for the first time in their lives…where they could get a family pet and have a yard to play in and possibly a pool one day. I cannot convey the upset of my oldest that has the autism. He was inconsolably sobbing…and it just broke my heart.

Hard to just go about my day today when All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep and mourn.  We try to do the right thing for our family, give them the best life we could in the best possible situation to give them the opportunity to grow up in a happy environment and make their lives full. Now, thanks to the real estate bubble burst some years back, the people that legitimately have the funds and stability to hold a home loan they scrutinize and nitpick and if there is the tiniest of flaws in their eyes, they say no.

Yes I know Im probably over reacting but I feel like I’ve been beat up emotionally over all this. My guy feels the same way, only he doesnt cry. Its ok, I feel like I am doing enough for both of us.


Eff you Bank, Eff you!

So, the bank informed us this afternoon that because we had a break in our employment nearly two years ago, the PMI insurance companies would not give us a loan. So they turned us down for a First Time Buyer loan and a conventional loan. I called the realtor and told her and I called the realty lawyer and told him. My boss was floored they didnt give it to us and my guy had a feeling for all the bouncing they did. I didnt cry, surprisingly. I was hurt and seriously pissed, but I didnt cry because I had a feeling they would do that.

Ten minutes later my realtor called back and one of her realtor co workers who was in the car was on the phone stating she wanted us to call a local bank and talk to them. They’d already talked to the lender there about our situation. I called and left a message and about five minutes later she called back and talked to me about everything. Told me to send her my app from the other bank, tax returns, etc. So i did.

Im not holding my breath or even have a glimmer of hope. Its free and Ive already heard “NO” so I am expecting nothing.

I have a home that is dry. I have the ones I love with me. i have a job. I am not wanting for anything. I may not like where I am right now and we may be cramped and have no storage space (or privacy) but we have something…others dont.

My friend said truly said it perfectly though….it is soul crushing.

New Year Update

It has been sometime since I’ve blogged here. I am going to make an effort to blog several times a week if not everyday .  I like to journal. Im a sharey type of gal.  So to start out the new year post, I posted a picture of how beautiful nature can be: frost on the window of my guys truck.

We are still trying to buy the house. Couldnt get a first time buyers loan because of my credit history a couple years ago. Even though Ive got great credit now and nothing on my report. So they are doing a conventional loan. Waiting to hear back from that. At this point, we are at the “dont-give-a-fuck-anymore” stage of all this.  Buying a home and the whole process is soul crushing.

So the lottery is at an amazing  high. I may go spend a few bucks and buy a couple tickets. Cant hurt. If for some reason if I win, I can go buy a chunk of land and build our dream home and his dream workshop. But what are the chances…something like 1 in a million at least. Right? Better chance at getting attacked and killed by a shark.  Ahh well, Ill spend four bucks and hope for the best.

I made a resolution in 2016 I am going to focus on me. Projects, health, happiness. I will complete the few projects I have promised people and those straggling christmas presents I didnt get done and the rest will be for me and my family.  Its high time I focus on myself…as many have told me. I dont make resolutions normally..like “oh Ill lose 50 pounds before summer” because I know I suck at meeting deadlines like that. So, I have resolved to make me the focus. No set terms or goals..just..do what I want..try to be healthier and learn to love myself.

I have a list of things I want to do craft wise over the coming year, within the sca. A bucket list of sorts:

1. Sign up for an overnight security shift at Pennsic (I’ve mentioned this one before)
2. Learn to make lamp-work beads for my viking. (i have the set up thanks to the menfolk’s Christmas gift)
3. Tablet weaving
4. Learn how to make mead with the 10 pounds of raw honey I have
5. Become competent in the last categories I am not ranked in within Athena’s Thimble (Lacis, Needlelace, Openwork & Smocking).
6. Give fencing a try (heavy list i think is too much for my back) and also Archery (I need better arrows, have bow and quiver already)
7. Do more heralding (apparently, I know how to project…who knew!!!)
8. Make more garb for myself that is embroidered (I currently only own 1 thing with my embroidery)
9. More socks..of course. (They’re like potato chips, ya know?!)
10. Make more embroidered hand made books. Especially one for myself. That will happen first.
11. Take at least one picture every day and try to always learn a little more about my camera and a better way to take a photo.

This list will be ongoing of course. Right now Im on the “finish up the straggler christmas presents”. Thankfully the ones for friends I can pass out at 12th night next weekend. SCA Christmas. LOL! Im covered!

Well, back to work. Faithful readers (if there are any, hahaha) I will promise to post more frequently. Maybe even a couple times a day.