Sleep is for the weak!

Second night of insomnia. Last night I woke at 12:30am and I have no idea why, but I couldn’t fall asleep. The night before I was woken at about 3:30 am from a nightmare where some blonde teenage boy had me cornered in a kitchen and was torturing me and stabbing me with sharp kitchen knives.  I am seriously feeling it right now too.  So we found out, the hard way, that my oldest son’s bus pick up time was changed to fifteen minutes earlier. I had some choice words with the bus driver’s supervisor at the bus company.  So yea, I had to drive him in to school this morning, which made me late for work and it was the one day since I have been there where the boss beat me to the office. Usually he doesn’t arrive till 930. **SIGH**

Obtained some lovely yarn from a sheep and wool festival this past weekend. My guy was such a good fiance and played the sherpa roll very well wearing a backpack and whenever I bought something he would just turn around and let me load him up. Thats love.  I went back the next morning as my kids wanted to go. There was a sale at my favorite yarn place and i got a bunch more for half price.  The kids got funnel cake and pizza and were happy for the journey. I had quality time with them sans my fiance (who said he can handle only one day of the festival).  I have enough yarn to keep me occupied over the whole winter.

Tonight…I am doing nothing. Maybe play some Warcraft. Embroider. Im mentally kicking myself because I forgot to take something out for dinner. Hell…my pot of coffee in the french press is still sitting there untouched on the counter because I had to run in the house, paint on some make up and run my son to school so he wouldn’t be late.  I was making myself a cup of coffee at the Keurig in the office before I had my coat off.  **thanks God for the coffee machine at work**

Its suppose to be near 70 today after the last two days of high 40s low 50s. But, like the fall/winter weather of my area…its overcast and dreary.  As someone who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder, this weather sucks for my emotional state in the cold months. I am a summer girl. Bring on the heat! Especially if there is a pool, ya know?  I just turned on the space heater near my desk so as not to annoy the boss with me wanting to turn the heat on and get the dampness out of the air.  Also donned the fingerless gloves.

I want to grump about something (I know this shocks you). So a friend was getting handfasted (not quite official marriage, in their eyes). She asked me to make something for the ceremony. She told me when it would happen next Spring. Wanted me to come. I find on facebook this morning (2am), she had the ceremony this past weekend. Never told me. Never said anything about doing the embroidered piece. No invite. Nada. I have to say it angered me some and I felt snubbed and insulted. It also hurt.  If I had a chance of falling back to sleep it disappeared after I read that.  Im sure there were reasons for it. Im sure it had to do with his illness her spouse has had, but hey..can you pick up a fucking phone and let me know? Common courtesy.  I wear my heart on my sleeve as much as I have tried to change that, grow a thicker skin, etc.  It gets punched a lot.

Anyway…i need more coffee. 3rd cup this morning. Do you blame me? Wish I could put some Bailey’s in it.

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Today is a new day…(long post)

…thank god for that cause last night was horrendous.  Yesterday itself was great. Good day at work. Sold some stuff and made the boss happy. Scored an Xbox One for $150.00 bucks and its set up at the house now. Works wonderfully.  Then when I got home, it started. My oldest son that is autistic has a community hab person that works with him two days a week doing life skills and such.  Thurdays he goes grocery shopping and cooks a meal of his choice.  After last night I have learned that his caregiver must have no idea how to cook, which I should have surmised when she said she always leaves my place and goes to her moms house for dinner.  I have learned she also doesnt know what a fresh herb looks like. I asked her for a bunch of cilantro. What she came back with was a rotton lump of gunk. I asked her what it was and she said cilantro. I said its rotton. “It is? I thought that is what cilantro looked like”. All i could do was just blink at her in disbelief.  Other mistakes, which i cant understand how she did it were 2 gallons of 1% milk..I got 1 gallon of 2% milk.  Paper towels instead of paper plates.  MInd you this is all spelled out on the list. I printed so there was no mistake in my handwriting. And things came home not on the list like ice cream, toaster strudels and cookies.  Seriously? Not happy.

So they set to work cooking fried chicken. I told the lady to cut the chicken in half to make the breasts thinner to cook faster and easier. I mimiced placing my hand flat and cutting parallel underneath it. When i went in the kitchen, I saw she had laid the breast flat and cut it in half straight down. Now we have half breast thick pieces. WTF!!  Im screaming (in my head) are you a moron???!!! At that point I walked away cause I had to or I was going to lose my nut. She cooked asparagus too, but didnt use seasoning. I then realized when I was eating the dinner that she doesnt cook. Her fiance works nights and she goes to her moms for dinner. So she doesnt cook. Sigh. I will just be doing the shopping from now on.  She lets him buy junk not on the list and cant cook food to have…taste.   Yes im bitchy.

This weekend the kids are going to a scout camping overnight with their dad. i asked him if he wanted to do it and he said yes.  Its one overnight and then a day of activities tomorrow.  Last night when they were skyping with him, I heard him say he was going to leave them at 2pm because he had to get back to his girlfriend who would be waiting for him at his house.  My head came off. So, he couldn’t reschedule one weekend with his girlfriend to spend time with his kids. This means, he wont even spend a full 24 hours with them.  Just so you know, he is supposed to take them two weekends a month. If he sees them once a month, they’re lucky. He took them maybe twice all summer. Its work, then SCA, Girlfriend then his kids.  I vented to a friend last night and said some of the most horrible things. Things I never thought I would hear from me.  I want to say something to him but at the same time I feel he is digging his own grave. The last weekend of September he wanted the kids (with little notice) but we were suppose to go to my parents house for my Dads birthday and an SCA event. So, I gave the kids the choice: go with their dad for the weekend or go to see Pop-pop for his birthday on sunday and play with friends on Saturday. They thought about it for a minute and chose to go to my parents house asking to see their dad next weekend.  Internally, I was cheering my head off and doing cartwheels.  His lack of spending time with them opting to choose his hobbies and his girlfriends over them is taking its toll. I do not bad mouth him in front of the kids. Behind closed doors to my fiance (yes..more on that later) yes…but never in front of my kids. I am ever accommodating. If he is in the area and wants to visit the boys I am more than happy to give him the time. He even hangs at the house with them watches movies or makes them lunch. Im not thrilled with that but I bend to make sure the boys are happy.  My guy doesnt like it (or him) but he tolerates it.   When they chose to go to my parents I wrote a letter stating i needed more notice for taking them for a weekend than two days. I then listed the next four months worth of weekends of when we had plans with the boys and what weekends we did not. There arent many weekends that the boys MUST stay with us either.  He wrote back saying he’d take the weekend of the 1st of October. Nothing else.  **headdesk** I just throw my hands up in the air in defeat. I dont know what else to do and honestly I dont think there is anything else I can do.

There has been happy things in my life. On October 3rd my guy proposed to me in a romantic one knee fashion. It was so very cute. No date set, it’s not like we are going to have a big wedding. probably just us and a witness with a JP in some pretty setting.  Have a bbq later and invite friends and have my pretty wedding cake I want.

Right now we are seriously house hunting. Keeping an eye out for something we like and can afford. We have our list of things we want in a house but the big thing is to stay in the same school district. We are working with a realtor too.

Here is hoping its not too cold tonight. Im worried about that with my boys camping. Ive got them sleeping in sweats and hoodies with wool hats on and such. I may send them with extra blankets to wrap around themselves inside the sleeping bags.  I am praying they stay warm.

Tomorrow is  Sheep and Wool festival in my neighboring town where I will BUY ALL THE YARN!!! I cant wait. Friends are coming over in the evening and staying overnight. It should be chilly but fun tomorrow. cant wait.

Well, time to concentrate on work.  Have a good day peeps.