It has been a bit of a crappy week. After dropping over three thousand dollars on my transmission and finding out there is other work that now needs to be done, yesterday, I lost my job. After five months of compliments on how well I was doing and a glowing three-month review, I was told yesterday that they “didn’t think I was a good fit to work with this population of people and perhaps I should consider training in another area of work”. They called me in my 3 month review “an asset to the company” and many other really great compliments. My supervisor wouldn’t even look at me. There was no warnings written or verbal. Just “Youre doing fantastic” to “Youre not a good fit”. Ummm…WTF!!!
I was proud of myself. I kept it together and didnt cry. I got back to my office to start packing things up and my coworker was walking by and he saw me and I told him. His jaw literally dropped. I lost it then. He came over and hugged me while I cried on his shoulder. He gave me his email and phone number. Said to use him as a reference. Helped me carry stuff out and said how it was a bullshit move. Said I should be glad to be out that the company is in trouble monetarily speaking. Told me to take a few days to cry it out and then to stop. Call him Monday and he would help me find something else. He gave me his cell phone number and personal email. When I texted my other co-worker she was just as shocked.
My guy, god bless him, stayed next to me the whole evening. I sat here and just killing things on World of Warcraft in between bouts of crying. I went to bed at nine and couldn’t sleep so I popped a couple of Advil PMs to get to sleep. He stayed curled up to me until I fell asleep just holding me and not saying anything. I said things like “I am such a loser I dont know why you stay with me”. I fell asleep at some point, dont know when. I vaguely remember my guy kissing me good bye at 330 am when he had to leave for work (no, not his normal time..just for today and tomorrow).
I feel like a loser. Now I am second guessing myself left and right over all of this. What could I have done wrong. What could I have done differently. What the fuck did I do??!!!
Well…my guy, god bless him, told his boss (my old one) that my company did lay offs and wondered if he still wanted me back as a secretary/shipping manager. His boss said absolutely. He has been trying to get me back into his office doing that job since a few months after he cut a bunch of his staff over a year ago. He has told my guy how he regretted letting me go and that he wishes I was still working there. I feel a bit over the barrel now. I have no idea what this guy is going to pay me, but I suppose any money is better than the shit unemployment is going to give me.
I will get through this. yesterday i was pretty dark and down. We were thinking of starting to look for a house. Id get a newer car after we got one. This happening makes me feel like my dreams are fluttering away. I guess I’m still pretty down about all this. I liked that job so much. I liked working at the antique store too but i feel like a hypocrite for bitching about his boss and how much of a scheister he is sometimes and now I am going to go work for him again. Yep, that’s me. Biggest hypocrite ever.
I had just hoped that by my age Id be at a job for a few years now. At a job earning good money and working towards my retirement. Im 43 years old. I had hoped at this age Id be in my own house on a couple acres of land with a wonderful husband and the kids and a fun dog working at a job towards my retirement and have plans to travel when I do retire.
But what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger, right? In theory, I love the comments of “God doesnt close one door without opening another” or “You were meant for something better and this is a stepping stone to get to it”…but they won’t help me in keeping income going to get out of this hell hole of a house I live in and into one of our very own.
Any good vibes, luck or prayers would be greatly appreciated.