I am a good daughter. I have always been a good daughter, at least in my opinion. I didn’t cut classes or days from school. I didn’t drink or do drugs. I didn’t boost the family car for joy rides. I got fairly good grades. I didn’t get pregnant out of wedlock or in my teens. I didn’t get arrested for anything. I was respectful and never cursed at my parents in anger (at least not to their face). I always tried to be a role model for my younger sister even when she beat me up because I wouldn’t do the things she wanted me to that I knew were against my parent’s instructions. (yea i have scars in more than one place from our fights as kids) I married my high school sweetheart and gave them two grandchildren (then got divorced..and dont think my father didnt give me a few rounds of “I told you so” over that relationship).
That being said, I have always butt heads with my mother. My sister (now that we are older and get along famously) says its because I’m a lot like her. Ok i can see that we have the same temper, but as time has passed I realize I am not like her. I take more after my father. I have his sense of humor, likes in hobbies, tv shows, etc. Now, my parents fight all the damn time. Dad is a home body and not a person to travel more than maybe an hour away to the local race track to watch nascar races. Mom..wants to travel the world and see it all. That is just one example. So, they butt heads all the time on so many topics. I believe, this is why we butt heads too.
So in the whole trying to be a good daughter thing, and the fact I live three and a half hours away from them, I give them a call on my morning drive to work to chat. Past experience has led me to now do it maybe once a week. And I am now questioning why I call at all. I call up with the intention of hearing how they are doing. How my grandmother who had hip surgery is healing (she’s convalescing at their house), how my sister and her family is doing (she is moving her mother in law in with her…GAK!!! which is her opinion too), etc. Instead, I get chastised about money and why dont i move back down near the family where I should be, why dont i call more often…oh look how much weight Ive lost since having my stomach cut down to the size of my thumb (and in-depth detail about the differences in size clothing that she wears compared to my sister, who also had the same surgery and their body shape differences……blah blah blah). It ends up turning into a bash me and my poor decisions chat or a look how fabulous I am cause being thin is the only thing in the world chat. Either way, I end up hanging up the phone in a lousy mood and regretting dialing the number to begin with. Everything turns around to her. As a friend jokingly said “How are you? Lets talk about me! What do you think of me? Enough about me…let’s talk about me!!!”
Seriously…they were spot on. Yes, they’ve met my mother. Most of my friends that have met my mother have the same opinion. My guy, who is the biggest endorser of turn the other cheek and find the best in everyone is now of the same opinion as all of my friends. Its the one thing he and my ex husband commiserate and agree on (that is saying a lot too).
This morning it was about furniture that my sister gave me five years ago and wanted some back for the mother in law that was moving in because she is jobless and up to her eyes in debt due to credit cards and is about to lose her house, etc. Im using said furniture so now i have to give it back and find something else to replace it. which started the argument with my mother this morning about how I have more money than I say and should just go buy new furniture. That statement alone is a whole other entry along so not going into it. I am saving to buy a house so Im not making any large unnecessary purchases except car repairs or things like that. She is of the mindset of “I want it there for Im going to get it. Now. By any means possible even if it means putting myself in credit card debt”, which she has several times.
All this being said I will say that my mother has always provided for us as kids. We never wanted for anything. She was always there and a good mom. Its just as I’d gotten older and developed more as an adult and in my personality that all these things came about. I lived with my parents for two years after my ex and I split and it was not the best of times. My decision to move out came after a horrific fight one night where she accused me of lying to her and I proved her wrong. She had to swallow her pride and apologize where in turn I said in six months when the kids were done school we would be moving out. And, six months to the day later, true to my word, we moved 3.5 hours away. Best. Decision. I. Ever. Made. I had to cancel my two year long planned birthday trip to Italy to do it (and trust me I have regrets to this day for that) but here I am. Happy and with two thriving kids that love where they live.
So I guess Im a glutton for punishment when I call them once a week to “catch up”. They are family still after all. And while I love them dearly….I definitely love them much more with 300 miles between us. Don’t judge me.